Watched Kung-Pow last night, what a silly movie. Its fun to watch stuff like this once in a while, but the sheer lunacy shock-value effect kind of wears off after half-an-hour and begins to get a little annoying. Actually, I don't know what kind of drugs the writers were using, but they straight up went for the throat when it comes to annoying effects. Which almost makes it even funnier. The repetition thing is just insane. One absolute delight that had me squealing like a small child: towards the end of the movie they use the sound effect from the Bionic Man. Granted, this show was just slightly before my time, but it had enough of an impact on me during my precious impressionable early years. My mormon friends: Well, things didn't exactly end up as I planned. Which is typically why I try my hardest not to have any sort of plan. That's not to say that things didn't turn out well (performance orientation is baaaad). It's just not as I expected. I'm not disappointed though. Life is so exciting. Maybe we'll hang out again, maybe not. These guys had a curfew and the night was pretty short, which kind of bugged me. I mean, if they're in the business of saving me, why can't they break a rule like curfew? Sheesh. (yeah, I'm being semi-facetious) Tonight's agenda: I'll be signing up at the Y.M.C.A. on Augusta and San Felipe here in Houston. Yes, that's right folks. Physical activity (*gasp*). Supposedly this is one of the nicest Y.M.C.A.s in the Houston area. Why Y.M.C.A., you ask? Why not 24 hour fitness? Well, I'm not sure exactly why. It's just kind of cool to go to the Y.M.C.A. 24-hour fitness is so now, so today, so with-it. Y.M.C.A. is kind of ... well, timeless (in a short, relative way) I guess. We did go play raquetball there recently, and I liked it. They also have a basketball court there, which is one of my primary reasons. But I am a big fan of raquetball as of now. Also, payments go month-by-month instead of some monstrous 3-year contract. Hey, who knows where I'll be in three years. Knowing me, I'll probably stop going to the gym after about two weeks. We'll see. A big shout out to my buddy Sunny! Glad you enjoy the ramblings ... See, I got you linked right over there <----- .

The other day, some Mormon missionaries came to my house. I suppose they desired to serve their church and convert me. Oh, these are so cool. I love the power of a testimony. Definently read those if you have a chance. Truth time: As I listened to their message, I resolved in my heart not to make my decisions or choose my words based on fear. In my dealings with the world, I've learned that many times, I stand stubbornly on an issue or organization out of a fear of being wrong, or even out of fear of being on the losing team. But this is life, and this is truth. "Perfect love casts out all fear." I know that if I find fear and defensiveness in my heart and its out of that fearful heart that I speak, the words aren't spoken in true love. More truth time: Growing up in a Christian home, in a Christian country, in a Christian region (the south- where churches have bowling alleys and restaurants), there came a critical time in my life when I had to get real and ask myself, "How can I know that this Jesus is the real God? What about the millions of Buddhists, Muslims, Hindus, Jews, and millions of others? Could Christians really have a monopoly on the truth? That seems rather arrogant and narrow!" It really seemed that I would have a natural disposition to become a Christian with the circumstances surrounding my life. I remember my one desire at the time was not a Christian agenda, but to know the truth, and to know which God is the real God. How did that issue get resolved for me? Well, it boils down to this: "Did I not tell you that if you believe, you would see the glory of God?" And I did and so I have. God has touched my life so profoundly. And Job, who had a ton of questions, many of which did not get answered. Instead God's response, "Where were you when I created the heavens? The earth?" That might not be satisfactory for many people. Fortunately, I'm not many people, and that's so cool. God knew exactly what was needed to address my doubts and questions without having to do so in the way I would have expected him to. Which makes God all the more amazing. Back to the Mormons: I didn't want to shut them out, and even as I was listening to them, I asked God, "If what they say is true, let me know, because I don't want to shut you out. But guard me against lies and smooth words." Hehe. Its so funny because when Daniel told me that there were some "church of Jesus Christ missionaries" at our door, my first thought was, "what do these damn cult members want? perpetuators of lies! spawn of satan!" Well, maybe not that extreme, but somewhere along those thought lines. As I went out to meet them I had to continually deal with my fear. My desire to argue with them. My desire to prove them wrong and prove myself right. But as we talked I found that I began to have a heart for these guys. I'm talking about two corn-fed white boys from the breadbasket of America. One born in Idaho, the other born in Utah. Age 20 and 21. Just like me. Well, except that they're white and from Idaho and Utah. But really, not much different from me. These guys don't know any better! Their parents are most likely Mormons, and they've probably been indoctrinated hardcore since their youth. See, the cool thing about God is this: we don't have to rely on stealthy arguments, human wisdom, or human intelligence. We only rely on the goodness of God. If God is doing his thing, which he usually is, and these guys don't know God, I'm just guessing that there's a severe lack of true love, grace, and joy in the hearts of these boys. And a healthy dose of religion. I know how much that sucks. So. I'm really excited. These guys gave me a Book of Mormon and are planning to come back to my house on Tuesday to see how my Mormonification is going. I'd really like to take them out to a Starbucks or McDonald's, or even for a beer (ha ha). Just hang out. Like the couple of guys we are. Relate. I think God is gonna provide opportunity for me to share some stories with them. It's gonna be great. Oh man, the Holy Spirit is gonna bring some truth and its gonna be schweeet. By the way, if you want to read more, here are some life stories that are very very powerful. There's plenty of anti-mormon propoganda on the web, but a testimony is really something different. It's so real. Check it out.

The day grows curiouser and curiouser. So I head out to lunch with my buddy John, amazed by the event that just transpired. We get to a restaurant called Champps. Here I am, thinking this is some sort of Denny's or IHOP style establishment. We take a gander at the menu, and see items like, "Filet Mignon Sandwich - $too much." Turns out it was Champps Americana. First thing, Champs the breakfast joint only has one P not two. Secondly, any restaurant that has the word Americana ... well, you should know what you're getting yourself into. Americana is basically America's way of turning everyday food- hamburgers, etc- into a 1000% profit margin. I love eating, but today just wasn't one of those $12 burger days. We end up walking across the parking lot to Wendy's. Unlike Manhattan or San Francisco, walking in Houston is a very odd and uncommon phenomenon, where any distance over 99 ft. is required by law to be traveled in a gas-powered vehicle; extra leniency, social compliance, and favor if the vehicle in question is a 9000 lb SUV. Hey, there must be some explanation for why we're the fattest city in America. On the way to Wendy's, I search my wallet and find exactly $1.00 in cash, which isn't even mine; I accidently pilfered it from Shannon in my attempt to play a Go Kart arcade game at the movie theatre; in which I placed 8th out of 8, which isn't so bad because when you're rock bottom, there's only one way to go, and that's up baby. But I digress. We enter the fine eating establishment known as Wendy's and I vaguely remember, almost as if in another life, that the Wendy's in Austin on MLK accepts credit cards as a form of payment. Heck, that's probably the only reason why I'm still alive today, considering the numerous times when my bank account dwindled to single digits, which was probably the steady state value of my bank account, thank God for credit cards, whoever said money doesn't grow on trees was dead wrong I tell you. So, I ask the employee at this Wendy's if they take credit cards. Suddenly his face breaks into a very apologetic, almost wistful expression. Moving his microphone mouthpiece down towards his chin in a careful manner, he says to Eric with great deliberateness: "I'm sorry sir, we don't. But I can pay for your food now and you can pay me back later." "What?" "I can pay for your food now and you can pay me back later." This guy looks dead serious about this. This is so odd. I feel like I've just been indecently proposed to. Never in my life has anything like this ever occurred. "Ummm ... that's quite alright, thanks for the offer, maybe I'll come back tomorrow." We leave Wendy's and walk over to Hido Japanese Bar & Grill, which is sort of like Benihana's. Got some lunch portion hibachi steak for $6.95 w00t w00t! I love days like this. So interesting. Oh yeah, K-Mart filed for Chapter 11 bankrupcy. Where will the Martha Stewart collection reside if K-Mart folds?

Each day is so full of surprises. So, I'm sitting here at my desk, 10:30am, trying hard to overcome the power of slack and get some work done. Faintly, I hear the sounds of a woman moaning and screaming. "What the heck? *blushing* Am I hearing what I'm hearing? Sounds like ... sex! *confused* Man that's embarassing!" I pass it off as my overly creative imagination. 10 minutes later, my coworker Jason comes into my office, "Dude, Hong's having her baby right now." 10 minutes later, a baby is born. Right here on the first floor of CCA 4 in Compaq. Right in her own office. Amazing. Her due date was supposed to be 3 weeks from now, but hey, momma always said, life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you gonna get. I've never heard of a baby being born so quickly and so suddenly. Like, "hey, I'm feeling a craaamp ... OMG HERE IT COMES ... (baby sound) wahhhhh (/baby sound)." This brightens my day. I'm glad life is never what we expect it to be. Keeps things fresh and exciting.

So, in our fantasy basketball league, Johnny is ahead of me by 200 points. Man, I'm not sure if I can catch up. For my roster changes, I considered getting Kobe, Pierce, Garnett, or Duncan. Ended up picking Karl Malone and Gary Payton today. Now, Payton I can live with. Picking up Malone, on the other hand, was a very difficult choice for me. I really feel like I've compromised my principles by doing so. That elbow throwing, ugly-game having, unhumanly massive arms punk. I probably should have gotten Austin Mu a.k.a. Tim Duncan, or Paul Pierce. Oh well, 'till next week. We live with the choices we make. At the very least, Malone is an incredibly consistent performer. He's been at it for years. 25 pts 10 ribs a game, career average, is pretty awesome. *ding* bright idea. I'm gonna pray for the people on my fantasy squad. No silly, not (just) for their performance on the court, but pray for their souls. Confession time, baby ... Did I tell you it was wine, when really it was water? I walked upon the wine, it went to my head and I faltered I've tried to heal your bones I've tried to tell your future Maybe I should just call up my friends Play some music, be myself Metro has been quite interesting, and last night's message sparked some thoughts for me. There's this very odd thing about following God. Sometimes, when I've not had to deal with outright sins for a while, and I've been just hanging out, reading the word, playing guitar, doin' the Christian thang, I'll "feel" quite close to God and rather spiritual. It's in these moments, when all of a sudden, I become quite irritable, with patience about as long as an armhair, and basically find myself being an ass around others. Even if it's not outwardly detectable, the judgemental ass inside of me is having a field day, that's for sure. Well I've been thinking about what I do, I say to climb my way down this ladder Keep me from flying away And if there's a preacher here will you preach the truth I want to know more about Jesus So, ironically enough, the times when I'm feeling "oh so spiritual" are the times when God really hits me up with a fat dose of reality. I realize in those moments just how - utterly - far away I am from the spirit of grace that Jesus took to the streets and to the cross. Polar opposite far away. In those moments, I'm powerless to love people. My heart gets so consumed with me, that its hard to love others. Or to truly love God for that matter. It's really funny in a way, the thing I've always assumed is spirituality, the "damn, I feel soapy clean and sinless right now" feeling I get after retreats is really not it. Sure, God's grace and mercies dusts us off and cleans us up. But the reality of walking in God's will is a place of our own inadequacy and resulting dependency on God. God does indeed hate haughty (proud) eyes. And God does indeed give grace to those who have been humbled. Oh why do I feel poor Why do I feel nervous I think it's time I put on my God shoes And do what I'm here for. Raise the flag again. Can I be free from the chains of my religion They wrap around my head and blind my eyes of faith And I feel dangerous cause I hunger for the truth This tightrope's swinging high, no going back Teach me to fly -All I Want is You, Deleriou5? Hehe. I think I'd better get used to the idea of dependency. God is good. And a skilled teacher. I love this song by Delerious. One of those songs I can really identify with. Heh, interesting considering my fondness/weakness for alcohol. Hey, check out Julie's Sunday, January 20, 2002 entry. Very good. AIM is acting like a rowdy disobedient monkey. Grrr.

Are you a winnah? Or are you a looshah? Do you mind bein a looshah? What if God created you with just too many weaknesses? It's so hard to fit in! I'm not witty enough! I'm not smart enough! I'm not classy enough! I'm not tough enough! I'm not wise enough, intelligent enough, don't know what to say ... I'm not pretty enough ... Hey, who cares! Otherworldly baby! Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world--the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does-- comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever. (1 John 2) And what more shall I say? I ain't got time to talk about all dem boys, who through faith conquered kingdoms, administered justice, and gained what was promised; who shut the mouths of lions, quenched the fury of the flames, and escaped the edge of the sword; whose weakness was turned to strength; and who became really powerful in battle and beat down foreign armies. Women received back their dead, raised to life again, fo' sho. Others were tortured and refused to be released, so that they might gain a better resurrection. Some faced jeers and beatings, and others were thrown in jail. They were stoned by rocks, not by weed; they were sawed in two; they were put to death by the sword. Ouch! They went about in funky ass poor man's clothes, dirt poor, persecuted, and mistreated-- and the world was not worthy of them. (Hebrews 11) On the real, to trust in the Lord is better than trusting in man. And once we're covered by the blood of Christ, we're heavily favored by God, oh yes its true, w00t w00t! The approval of man means ... nothing! Fuggehdaboutdit!

Outcome is the opposite of income. Sometimes, the most relaxing thing to do is just to yell at the top of your lungs. Or perhaps the online equivalent is to write up a furious storm without regard to content or form. Nah. Yelling is still much, much better.

What is going on? Hsin-Lei's grandmother passed away last week. Mike Lee's grandfather passed away two days ago. My grandfather passed away yesterday. Irwin's grandfather passed away today. What is going on? What is going on? What is going on? Over the last week, Nick Chen and I talked about the closeness of death, in particular, about his grandmother. This is so crazy. A true sense of urgency ...

So. Quite often, I find the rule of my life is all about what's convenient. Which is not necessarily bad. In fact, if you look at our country, most of our lives are centered around more convenience. We have convenience stores. We have lots and lots of very convenient transportation. We have convenient quick-pay gas stations. We have fast food. We have the internet- convenient information. Convenient lunch menus. So on and so forth. Bleh, I can't think of any really gripping examples, but anyways. I find that in my own life, many times, the primary "principle" which dictactes how I live in any particular situation is this: How convenient is it for me? This attitude manifests itself in many many ways. One of which is driving. Somebody cuts me off, I get irritated because I have to slam on the breaks. I cut someone off because, hey, its just more convenient than slowing down to get behind them. Or, wait two hour to meet with someone who happens to be late? "What?! Two whole hours?! You MUST be kidding!" Even in the more subtle ways, I find myself weighing options in a decision by how much trouble they are to me. Will I have to deal with crap from this person? Is that crap worth the trouble? Now, this attitude in itself is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, its a completely consistent philosophy in today's commercialized society. What's it gonna cost me, and what will I get out of it? However. Though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons which we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. The fundamental thing here is not that the attitude is inherently evil. Which, I believe, it is not. Take away the convenience attitude, and you have not taken away any sinfulness. Sinful nature exists regardless of whether you're Bill Gates or an ascetic monk in China. However, the problem is that for Christians, the attitude is contrary to our very identity in Jesus Christ. We are to love God with the whole of our hearts, our souls, our minds, and our strengths. We are to love others as God has loved us. To love God is to obey God. "We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands." Chris Kim gave an analogy at this past retreat which is fitting. He had Michael stuff animal crackers in his mouth. Each cracker represented a worldly treasure. A degree. Intelligence. A nice house. A nice garage. Then, he asked Michael to fit a piece of bread in his mouth. The problem was, the bread just didn't fit. Mike could only eat a very little amount. Likewise, to live with the attitude of seeking my own convenience isn't necessarily bad in itself, but it's a mindset that completely misses the point. And the problem with that is that if I already have a mindset, I can't have the mind of Christ. I can only have so much mind. I try to fit God into my convenience mindset. "How can I get God to bless and enhance my life?" That is so utterly wrong. We demolish every attitude that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. Grace is not just some spiritual soap in which I wake up each morning, take a grace shower and am clean for the day to go on my merry way and do whatever pleases me. Make no mistake, Eric, to honor God requires obedience, and obedience is to be a living sacrifice. Every waking moment, "Lord, what are you up to? What do you want? What do I do in this situation?" That's why my life isn't abounding in God's glory. Cause I'm not living FOR God's glory, I'm living for my own convenience. I've got to spit those crackers out so I can have some bread that will fill my soul for all of eternity. Grace is God's unfailing love for me. Grace is God's kindness that leads me to repentance. Grace is the glory of God to forgive me. Grace is the glory of God to fulfill in me what no law or religion could do. Grace is God's power in my utter weakness. WHAT IF, in any specific moment, God is calling me to a simple act of obedience? "Don't go." or "Say Hi to this person." or "Call Joey." or "Show him the love of Christ" and I think about it, then say, "Well, that'd be inconvenient." Such a tiny action, such a small step of faith could open huge doors. The glory of God is at the door of heaven waiting to be revealed into this earth, and by my ignorance, God's awesome will is passed off as a mere inconvenience. What an absolute tragedy! God's glory missed for the inconvenience of a merely lazy and ignorant man ... I think our lives are full of these moments, the what ifs are real way beyond mere hypothetical situations. Lord, teach me not to desire my own convenience, but instead to seek your glory in every single situation you place me in. Teach me to listen for your voice and to obey your every command. Remove all of my fears and make me crazy for you. Lord, remind me always that "he who is faithful with what he's been given will be given more." Lord, help me to love you and love others way more than I love my own selfish convenience. God, please utterly demolish this attitude out of me, I welcome your discipline in my life. I know it may hurt, but I know that the harvest of righteousness is so worth any pain it may cost. I thank you that you understand me better than I understand myself, and I thank you that you're so patient with me, that you know all of my flaws and weaknesses. Lord, I pray that this would be so so much more than just some empty words in a journal entry, and that your divine power would make this an utter reality in my life.

As I sit here at work, I was really considering writing an entry about relationships. Why is the divorce rate so high in the country? Why do things get so complicated? Why do people almost always inevitably get very hurt? But then I realized that so-called "love" and relationships must be one of the most frequently discussed items in our country. Yet, all this talk, all this analysing, philosophizing, and psycologizing really hasn't fixed anything at all, has it? So, I'll just spare you from reading my two cents, which will invariably just add to the noise and do little to help things. Instead, I've decided to talk about something related, yet equally irrelevant on a practical level. Smells. It's so funny how people are very sensitive to smells. I wonder how much we've been conditioned to think, "this smells good, and that smells bad." I think a good way to tell how much bias we have due to conditioning is to watch and see how little children or babies react around a certain scent. My guess is that they'd not be nearly as repulsed as most of us around most smells. I think Americans tend to be particularly narrow in their preferences, whether that be with foods, smells, or experiences. It's kind of funny when you think about it: much of what is labeled as "good smell" is usually some sort of artificial store-bought scent- soaps, shampoos, air fresheners, detergent. In the end, smells that are strong or unfamiliar are quickly dismissed as "bad bad smell." Don't get me wrong, I love the clean smell of a freshly bathed female with nice perfume as much as the next guy. But I also think that as a society, we're a bit prudish when it comes to scents. Speaking of perfume. It's really funny how nostalgic perfume can be. Oddly enough, sitting here at work today, I suddenly smelled a perfume that an ex-girlfriend used to wear. In that instant, a very vivid impression and attraction came flooding into my heart. I'm not sure if I randomly imagined the smell into existence, or I actually smelled it. But it's so odd how that works. And it's strange how the sense of nostalgia can put a beautiful idealistic tint to the past. I emphasize the word sense for a reason. It's one thing to reminisce with friends, sit back and laugh and share about 80's music. But to experience nostalgia in the senses is really powerful and amazing. It transcends rational thought and goes straight into the world of past experience quite vividly. I wonder what that's all about? It's so interesting being a person.

Addicted to the HOT stuff?? - "Rozin's "Benign Masochism" or "Constrained Risk" theory holds that people like chile peppers for the same reasons they like roller coasters, scary movies, and stepping into hot baths. All of these activities provide methods of exciting the body by making it respond to a dangerous situation, while the mind is certain that circumstances are safe. "This body/mind disparity may be a source of feelings of mastery and pleasure, a case of body over mind," the study said. Additionally, Rozin has found that it is not uncommon for people to like the body's defensive responses, such as the nose and eye tearing that result from eating hot peppers; and he says that people often eat chile at a heat level close to the highest they can tolerate, which means that liking chile is related to pushing the limits of pain and tolerance. Having worked in the Fiery Foods Industry for a number of years, we have found that many of the people who like hot foods tend to be a little more outgoing than those who do not. They like traveling, wearing colorful clothing, meeting new people, and trying new things. Perhaps eating chile peppers is the culinary expression of an adventurous spirit and a fun-seeking nature." (emphasis mine)

The last sentence more or less agrees with my suspicions of why I'm attracted to eating hot and spicy foods. It's a rush. Don't have time this week to bungee jump? That's ok, here, have a fresh serrano or three. Indulgence of the thrill seeking heart. It's not a coincidence the expression "spicing up your life" exists. I eat hot foods because otherwise eating is just too boring on its own. One thing that really worries me is how easily bored I get. The wise king Solomon once said, "There is nothing new under the sun." to which I wholeheartedly reply, "No kidding bub, tell me about it!" It's a struggle- on one hand, I'd really love to find satisfaction in the things that occur in my daily life. I know that I'm not always in control of the circumstances and situations, so with that in mind, I want to be content in all situations and rejoice in even the smallest things in life. On the other hand, I have to remain honest and confess that I'm really bored. A lot. And I'm pretty sure real solution to this doesn't lie in dangerous life-threatening vacations or eating spicy foods to the brink of death. These are only temporary fixes and little band-aids on a deeper rooted issue. Or maybe not. I can't wait though. I think my life will be exciting. I believe that God has cool things planned for my days ahead. So, the other day, a few of us hit up BW-3's for some good ole' mmm mmm wing lovin'. Hey, Tuesday is cheap wing night, so guaranteed, the Asians will be out in full force. After consuming a number of their tasty Blazin' wings, I found that I had lost hearing in my right ear (as usual), and sweat was more or less pouring off my nose and forehead. The next day, oh, bright and early at 5:30a.m., I felt strongly compelled to visit my familiar morning companion repeatedly. This continued on throughout the morning and on throughout the workday. I'm guess I made about, oh, 15 visits in all. Lots of prayer time, at least. By the way, a good friend of mine, Peter, after sharing a wonderful Korean dinner, insisted that eating ice cream immediately following a spicy meal really helps the next-day smoldering poop burns. I was rather skeptical of his claims at the time, but hey, it turns out he was correct. "In order to douse the heat when eating chile peppers, try drinking milk or eating ice cream or yogurt. These dairy products are especially effective at breaking down the Capsaicin oils, which are not soluble in water."

Egads, that last entry was rather boring. I suppose it reflects the boredom I was experiencing at the time. Oh, for the record, for the weblog, I'm gonna try to stick as close to the truth as I can. Utter honesty and candid thinking. Uncolored by worry of other people's perceptions of who I am. I think it takes some effort to work against the natural(?) tendency to put on a face. Can that self-consciousness ever be dealt with fully? I think so, but it's not easy, and probably takes help from God too. My mom once told me that I think too much. I agree with her. Sometimes I feel sort of like a psychologist. I analyse and mull over possible motives, desires, rationales, thoughts, reasons, and roots; of myself and of others. It gets so tiring. Many times I say to myself, "Self, you don't have to be a Christian psychologist." The Pet Shop Boys are grrrrrreat! Kids, even if a bit self-centered, have got to be the most self-unaware people on the planet. The younger they are, the more unaware. Yeah. I just wanna be like that, and let the the good, the bad, and the ugly truth all hang out. It's scary, but I think its better than keeping everything hidden away inside, or even worse, painting a false picture of who we are. No big deal though, that's why planet earth is so great. Many, many people struggle with the same things, so we're definently not alone in facing these things. Anyway, if you're into identifying underlying this-n'-that's, you'll probably notice a great deal of introspection and junk like that on my page. I tend to write like that. See ya soon, compadre.