So, in our fantasy basketball league, Johnny is ahead of me by 200 points. Man, I'm not sure if I can catch up. For my roster changes, I considered getting Kobe, Pierce, Garnett, or Duncan. Ended up picking Karl Malone and Gary Payton today. Now, Payton I can live with. Picking up Malone, on the other hand, was a very difficult choice for me. I really feel like I've compromised my principles by doing so. That elbow throwing, ugly-game having, unhumanly massive arms punk. I probably should have gotten Austin Mu a.k.a. Tim Duncan, or Paul Pierce. Oh well, 'till next week. We live with the choices we make. At the very least, Malone is an incredibly consistent performer. He's been at it for years. 25 pts 10 ribs a game, career average, is pretty awesome. *ding* bright idea. I'm gonna pray for the people on my fantasy squad. No silly, not (just) for their performance on the court, but pray for their souls. Confession time, baby ... Did I tell you it was wine, when really it was water? I walked upon the wine, it went to my head and I faltered I've tried to heal your bones I've tried to tell your future Maybe I should just call up my friends Play some music, be myself Metro has been quite interesting, and last night's message sparked some thoughts for me. There's this very odd thing about following God. Sometimes, when I've not had to deal with outright sins for a while, and I've been just hanging out, reading the word, playing guitar, doin' the Christian thang, I'll "feel" quite close to God and rather spiritual. It's in these moments, when all of a sudden, I become quite irritable, with patience about as long as an armhair, and basically find myself being an ass around others. Even if it's not outwardly detectable, the judgemental ass inside of me is having a field day, that's for sure. Well I've been thinking about what I do, I say to climb my way down this ladder Keep me from flying away And if there's a preacher here will you preach the truth I want to know more about Jesus So, ironically enough, the times when I'm feeling "oh so spiritual" are the times when God really hits me up with a fat dose of reality. I realize in those moments just how - utterly - far away I am from the spirit of grace that Jesus took to the streets and to the cross. Polar opposite far away. In those moments, I'm powerless to love people. My heart gets so consumed with me, that its hard to love others. Or to truly love God for that matter. It's really funny in a way, the thing I've always assumed is spirituality, the "damn, I feel soapy clean and sinless right now" feeling I get after retreats is really not it. Sure, God's grace and mercies dusts us off and cleans us up. But the reality of walking in God's will is a place of our own inadequacy and resulting dependency on God. God does indeed hate haughty (proud) eyes. And God does indeed give grace to those who have been humbled. Oh why do I feel poor Why do I feel nervous I think it's time I put on my God shoes And do what I'm here for. Raise the flag again. Can I be free from the chains of my religion They wrap around my head and blind my eyes of faith And I feel dangerous cause I hunger for the truth This tightrope's swinging high, no going back Teach me to fly -All I Want is You, Deleriou5? Hehe. I think I'd better get used to the idea of dependency. God is good. And a skilled teacher. I love this song by Delerious. One of those songs I can really identify with. Heh, interesting considering my fondness/weakness for alcohol. Hey, check out Julie's Sunday, January 20, 2002 entry. Very good. AIM is acting like a rowdy disobedient monkey. Grrr.