Wow, listening to Bill Walton absolutely *gush* over Yao Ming was nearly embarrasing. I mean, it was enough to make a guy blush, ya know? I think ole' billy is infatuated right now. The other commentator would be talking about something completely unrelated ("Tinsley, off to a fantastic start last season ... ") and Bill would somehow, mysteriously make a segway to ... Yao guessed it ... ("But Yao is a big man who can pass better than anybody in the universe!"). It really was embarassing. Walton was straight hatin on anybody on the court who's first name isn't Ming. On national television. Now that ... is love. HAHA even when Yao delivered an elbow to Brad Miller's face, Bill was raving about how fundamental Yao's game is to keep his elbows up at all times. Incredible.

Game of the century tonite! Rockets vs Pacers, 9pm EST ESPN - my two favoritest teams meet in battle ...

OK, I need to admit something. Yesterday, after Metro, in the presence of Grant, Vincent, Wynette, and Joshua, I smelt something utterly foul. And so I looked at Vince and said, "did you fart?" and he denied it adamantly. So then I looked at Grant and said, "did you fart?" and he denied it as well. I wondered if it was me, but I really didn't think so. I mean, it smelled really foul. So it would've been tragic if it were from me. I thought it was Wynette and when I asked her to 'fess up, she did, but I don't think she was being sincere. Later on, on the way home, I farted in the car, lo and behold, the same foul smell penetrated my nostrils! Oh no! It WAS me! How could I produce such a nasty odor? Jeez, time to change the diet to something more bland. Glory to God for life giving smelly farts that give an ounce or two of humility. Yes, my farts smell just as bad as the worst of them....

lalalalala i don't have much to say but i'm not dead ... so lalalalalala

my roomie thanh and i just bought the Electronic Swing Improver: Large LCD display lets you know how far and how well you’re hitting with animated ball flight. Choose any club from 1 wood to 9 iron. Club head speed readings in MPH or KPH. Tracks your best and average shots in yards or meters for each club. Features thick, driving range-style nylon turf to protect clubs. Tee up at three heights. Solid ball provides “real hit” feel. For right- and left-handed golfers. I think probably the best investment as far as golf game goes would be lessons with a good instructor. But oh well, this is fun. Now I'm gonna record my jacked up form into muscle memory permanently.

The sky looks so gray. And its cold outside. Not blatantly cold, but a real tangible cold, the kind that silently numbs your digits and penetrates into your bones. And its raining. Not a huge downpour, but just a sort of depressing drizzle. I sat in my car, waiting for the light to turn green, drifting away in random thoughts. Down the driver's side window, a solitary drop of water rolls halfway down ..... pauses for an eternity .... then continues onward to the bottom. Of all the rain and raindrops and water, this solitary drop forgot about everything else, held the entire universe captive ... .. wow, that looked like so much like a teardrop - a tear walking down the face of a person, shifting left, then right, then further down, with each contour, each delicate detail of a person's face. And then I notice the sadness in the person's eyes. And I taste the saltiness and bitterness of the tear on the corner of my mouth ... and its so weird, how intensely human sadness and tears are. some people think its a bad thing to cry, but maybe its a worse thing to not be able to cry. because among the things that separate and divide people, there are also those things that belong to every member of the human race; that are undeniable evidence that we're all the same inside, that no matter what kind of background we hail from, what kind of circumstances we live in, nobody is exempt from sorrow. maybe tears are some sort of validation of our frailty and humanity. they say, "congratulations, you are a bonafide human being." And God ... I think God gives all of us tears as a gift too, and maybe as a reminder of a future glory. I believe he really does see every tear, and even though sometimes we feel so much pain and so much hurt, or so alone, that God knows and he never forgets. Then I looked again at all the acts of oppression which were being done under the sun. And I saw the tears of the oppressed and that they had no one to comfort them; and on the side of their oppressors was power, but they, too, had no one to comfort them. So I congratulated the dead who are already dead more than the living who are still living.

Warning: boring stuff ahead ... My Yahoo fantasy basketball league has been an intense battle thus far this season. It's a rotisserie league with 9 teams, and the categories that are assigned pts are field goal percentage, free throw percentage, 3 pointers, points, rebounds, assists, steals, blocks, and turnovers. In the league, the person with the best rating in a category (i.e. most points, or least turnovers) gets 9 points, and the person with the worst rating in a category gets 1 point. So, the highest possible score would be 9 categories x 9 points = 81 points. presenting league thuglife ...

Standings		Details
Rank Team Pts 1 doveytime 57 2 KobeKiller 53 3 algae eaters 50 4 Yaaaaaaaaoza 44 5 kunalians 42 5 D.R.E.W. 42 5 K.O.B.E 42 8 Goodfellas 41 9 The Rockets 34
= on Yahoo! Messenger now

... and here is the breakdown of how we got our points so far:

Overall Points
Rank	Team		FG%	FT%	3PTM	PTS	REB	AST	ST	BLK	TO		TOTAL
1	doveytime		6	8	9	8	3	7	9	2	5		57
2	KobeKiller		8	9	7	3	1	4	5	7	9		53
3	algae eaters		4	2	1.5	7	8.5	8	8	9	2		50
4	Yaaaaaaaaoza		5	7	1.5	2	8.5	2	4	8	6		44
5	kunalians		7	3	4	6	6	5	2	5	4		42
5	D.R.E.W.		1	5	5	9	4	9	7	1	1		42
5	K.O.B.E		3	6	8	5	5	6	3	3	3		42
8	Goodfellas		9	4	6	4	2	1	1	6	8		41
9	The Rockets		2	1	3	1	7	3	6	4	7		34

Overall Statistics
Rank	Team	GP	FG%	FT%	3PTM	PTS	REB	AST	ST	BLK	TO
1	doveytime	144	.444	.784	155	2231	796	505	191	94	314
2	KobeKiller	134	.456	.824	116	1872	756	421	163	117	267
3	algae eaters	138	.436	.738	71	2203	941	538	190	140	356
4	Yaaaaaaaaoza	137	.440	.775	71	1829	941	405	159	135	313
5	kunalians	131	.452	.751	94	2187	844	492	136	110	344
5	D.R.E.W.	139	.410	.770	95	2602	821	600	171	83	398
5	K.O.B.E	139	.433	.773	119	2051	837	500	155	100	353
8	Goodfellas	136	.459	.753	106	1977	782	397	134	112	277
9	The Rockets	134	.426	.734	90	1818	896	420	169	108	281

... and my current team:

Players		Stats: Season
POS	PLAYER	GP	FG%	FT%	3PTM	PTS	REB	AST	ST	BLK	TO
PG	Tinsley, Jamaal (PG-Ind)	11	.386	.600	8	95	31	87	19	2	31
SG	Hamilton, Richard (GF-Det)	14	.462	.844	9	289	47	42	15	5	35
G	Williams, Jay (G-Chi)	14	.373	.564	12	152	59	76	23	2	36
SF	Garnett, Kevin (SF-Min)	15	.433	.768	4	318	203	80	28	25	41
PF	Webber, Chris (PF-Sac)	12	.490	.429	0	260	113	60	28	18	50
F	Abdur-Rahim, Shareef (PF-Atl)	12	.506	.839	7	257	91	39	15	6	30
C	Ilgauskas, Zydrunas (C-Cle)	13	.359	.796	0	238	113	31	7	24	34
C	Brand, Elton (FC-LAC)	14	.494	.706	0	232	170	37	15	44	44
Util	Kukoc, Toni (F-Mil)	12	.417	.649	21	145	50	46	22	5	17
Util	Jordan, Michael (SF-Was)	13	.470	.732	2	204	52	38	20	4	23
Bench	Delk, Tony (PG-Bos)	12	.421	.800	35	153	47	35	19	1	14
Bench	Williams, Jason (PG-Mem)	12	.396	.900	16	131	24	73	15	4	27
Bench	Stoudemire, Amare (FC-Pho)	11	.325	.735	1	78	72	7	7	17	18

Alright, I don't think I've ever written about this openly, but I think perhaps I should. I wrote this in my journal this morning. Why pray in tongues? When I wake up in the morning, often, I'm spiritually confused. I'm not exactly sure why I'm alive, what I have to do with God, or what God is up to. Very quickly, my mind will rush in and frantically fill in the gaps. I'm now operating off of yesterday's manna - going thru the motions because I don't know what else to do. Praying in the Spirit (1 cor 14:15) "edifies yourself" (1 cor 14:4). How?? By strengthening our spirit inside of us, the rest of our faculties (our body, our will, our thought-life), which normally easily overwhelm us, are instead brought under the submission of a strengthened spirit - which is in turn under authority and submitted to the Holy Spirit. Often, when praying in tongues, God will make simple and clear several things he intends for me to do soon. So, without edification, I find the following characteristics to be true - lack of God's vision & plan for my life (and instead I fill the lack with my own plans and do things my own way), lack of God's heart (an apathy and lukewarmness towards God and towards people), a lack of God's warmth and connectedness (instead seeking to fulfill the desire for intimacy from other places). Is praying in tongues the only way to edify ourselves? Certainly not. In my experience though, and also for many people I've met, it has proven to be a very quick and effective way to tune into God's reality, God's agenda - by bypassing our intellect, our will, our fleshly desires - and going straight to the Spirit of God. James tells us that the tongue is like a rudder, which controls a ship. Similarly, when we submit our tongue and offer our speech to God, the Holy Spirit will direct us as a rudder turns a ship, adjusting the things that may be off, and put us more accurately on God's course for our lives. Is praying in tongues for everyone? Anyone who wants a deeper relationship with the Lord, and believes what the bible says about spiritual gifts, it's available to you. Does God wish for this in your life? 1 cor 4:5 tells us, "Now I wish that you all spoke in tongues, but even more that you would prophesy;" Either believe God's word, or don't believe it - it's very clear and simple. Now, if you do desire a deeper relationship with the Lord, and for this tool that can edify your spirit, will then, God give it to you? Jesus tells us (Luke 11:11) "For everyone who asks, receives; and he who seeks, finds; and to him who knocks, it will be opened. Now suppose one of you fathers is asked by his son for a fish; he will not give him a snake instead of a fish, will he? Or if he is asked for an egg, he will not give him a scorpion, will he? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him?" Again, the word of God is simple and clear. It is the heart of God to give good gifts to his children, and if we seek and eagerly desire the different gifts God has to offer us, he will not refuse us, but will pour out generously and continuously in our lives. The basis for receiving these gifts is a simple childlike faith (ask, receive. seek, find.), not by merit or spiritual heritage or maturity. If you have any questions, give me a call or e-mail me. God bless you!

If the son has set you free you are free indeed Sometimes when I wake up, I'll begin to pray and I haven't the faith (shing4 shing1) to know what to pray, or that God is listening, or that today will be a special day. One quick way to tear down this barrier is to do a spirit-check. Check your own spirit for things that seem off. Our spirit isn't some superstitious weirdo 6th sense (although perhaps it can be sometimes), but typically more of the things that are closest to home - the things our heart tells us is going on right now. So, I'll check what's goin on - feeling condemnation? Simply speak out, "There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ." "Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." "if the son has set you free, you are free indeed." (eph 1) - "the kind intention of His will" fear or anxiety? "cast all your anxiety upon him, because he cares for you." "God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of love, power, and self-control." needy, vulnerable? "the Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want." "the Lord is my helper, what can man do to me?" "I will never leave you nor forsake you" etc. ... and on and on, and I find that God raises up the standard of his truth to combat "the accuser of the brethren." THEN, I find much more freedom in prayer. In this way, the word of God becomes living and active, sharper than any double edged sword, able to judge the attitudes of our hearts, and to divide our soul from our spirit. Oh yeah, Eph. 1 has some insanely powerful stuff. Recently, in a weekly prayer meeting, we've been dwelling on maybe 4-5 verses a week, and its so rich! soul foood 'mkay that's all.

it's late in the midnight hour ... and i'm sitting in the darkness where has the day gone? how will i spend my time will i regret what i've done or can it all be redeemed in the blink of an eye i've been given a spirit of self-control so i choose not to compromise i choose not to waste my time because there's a love that's better than life and i wanna live in that love all the days of my life my time - its not my own my every breath - a gift of love my actions - either burned to nothing or solid as gold i'm goin for gold baby

Man, I managed to watch a lot of movies today. Serendipity, Riding in Cars with Boys (or something like that), and part of Sugar and Spice. Its interesting how different Serendipity is from Riding in Cars with Boys. Serendipity is about faith, hope, and finding something divinely appointed in the midst of a realistic (?), chaotic world - the ultimate movie for dreamers. Riding in Cars with Boys is a very close-to-home kind of people-have-issues and we try hard to be what we're supposed to be and it doesn't ever seem to work out as intended kind of thing but we all make mistakes and learn along the way movie. A great portrayal of the messiness of life. The other movie was just sort of dumb. Cheerleaders who rob a bank. I caught the tail end of that movie. As for my life, well, things are not bad ... good even. Work is somewhat slow, but there are fast seasons and there are slow seasons, and well, work is work. Living with Cong & the boys has been great - every evening, there's something delicious on the table. And these guys are really wonderful company. God has really blessed me at Lakewood, and has been speaking to me about having a vision and giving birth to it thru steadfastness and patience. I'm really, really excited for the things he's gonna be doing in the future. "But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness ... Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another–and all the more as you see the Day approaching. " God has been making these two verses from Hebrews a reality in my life over the last month or so, and I see the wisdom of his word and the fruit of obedience. In cultivating a lifestyle of frequent genuine Christian fellowship, I've discovered the less difficult route to growing closer to God - one that is not dry and difficult, but vulnerable & exposed to the Light, extremely encouraging, and full of life. That day is approaching.

so ........ bored ......... today .........

OK, so as a clarification to the last entry: I apologize for any harshness, criticism, or condemnation that might have resulted from what I wrote or quoted. My motive is never to discourage or say, "we're so wrong, we've missed the mark!" although my personality sometimes has a strong tendency to proceed in that direction. I'm sorry about that. I want to say that whatever our relationship is with the Lord, one thing is clear - he loves us dearly, and that the greatest part of belonging to him is that we can always trust in his faithfulness, patience, and kindness toward us. No matter how we choose to approach this life he's given us, his promises are totally clear - one, there is NO condemnation for anyone in Christ, two, our awesome God uses ALL things for the good of those who love him, and three - that he who began a good work in us will continue it to the end. That's the foundation of love that we can rest on, truly an anchor for our souls. Having said that .... We do face decisions and choices every day, and the Lord is so awesome - he gives us free choice on how we spend our time. In light of that, we are always rooted in God's kindness - there are good choices, and then there are better choices, and for those who are willing, there is God's best for our lives. And its this very reason why the apostle Paul says, "everyone who competes in the games go into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize. " He's a focused warrior, man. Completely. Sold. Out. He KNOWS for what he runs for and he's goin for it, he's going to win this race. Paul is a man who's made the decision - "I'm goin for it, I've put my hand to the plow, and I ain't lookin back. I love you Jesus and I'll do anything you ask. Here I am Lord, send me!" I've seen many many Christians whose lives have settled into mediocrity, where the "weeds of the cares of life" have come in and choked the life of God, where the forgetting what is behind and pressing on for the goal has been replaced by a coasting thru till its time to go home. A life where the sweet communion and connection with the Lord is cut off and replaced by the dull drone of worldly affections. And in my life, making the choice to coast on instead of pressing into God's kingdom inevitably allows me to be moulded into the world's hands. The mystery of it all is that pressing into the kingdom of God often requires a rather difficult choice to simply rest and wait before God. Ironically, letting the peace of the Lord reign in our hearts can be the more difficult choice of our will, and coasting on in fatalistically (the whole God loves me but I can't help what happens) leads to dissatisfaction and emptiness of soul. We are exhorted to fight the good fight of the faith, to love and be loved, and to not forsake meeting together - for the good of our own souls, for the good of each other, and for the kingdom of God to advance (peace, joy & righteousness, oh yeah!). This is the will of God, may we be the agents of the Lord who are willing to bring it in.

I've seen in myself and in many many Christians around me a very fatalistic view of life. This is much less of an issue for those who aren't Christian. In one sense, yes, whatever happens, does happen, and God's character of love and caring for us is consistent. On the other hand, many Christians become crippled to inaction and helplessness because we don't know how to flow with God. Every once in a while, I'll meet with a believer, hear a sermon, or pray with someone who is very very intense. These people stir up something in my spirit that makes me long to get moving, to lose it all for the sake of the kingdom of God, and to start now. And I'd wonder, "Is this from God? This yearning in my heart to move mountains? Isn't this lack of trust?" Mmm. I'm beginning to believe its not. Check out what Dallas Willard says in Hearing God:

The whatever-comes view. This third mistaken view of how God speaks is commonly adopted and has much to recommend it in terms of the peace of mind and freedom from struggle that it provides. But in fact it amounts to giving up any possibility of a conscious interchange between God and his children. The view even shows up in some of our most loved hymns. There is a well-known hymn entitled "If Thou but Suffer God to Guide Thee." This may seem to be exactly what we are talking about: allowing God to guide us. But when we study the hymn closely we find it counsels us to accept everything that happens as the guidance of God. If you wish to know what God would have you do, it is no help at all to be told that whatever comes is his will. For you are, precisely, in the position of having to decide in some measure what is to come. Does it mean that whatever you do will be God's will? I certainly hope not. We can at least say that if Moses had accepted this view, there would have been no nation of Israel. Perhaps there would have been a nation of "Mosesites" instead. When the people made and worshipped the golden calf while Moses was on Sinai receiving God's commandments, God said to him, "Now let me alone, so that my wrath may burn hot against them and I may consume them; and of you I will make a great nation" (Ex 32:10). Not only did Moses not accept whatever came, he actually and successfully withstood God's own declared intent in the matter, appealing to God's reputation before the surrounding nations and to his friendship with Abraham. "And the Lord changed his mind about the disaster that he had planned to bring on his people" (32:14). Many things that happen are not the will of God, although obviously he does not act to stop them. For example, "the Lord is ... not wanting any to perish, but all to come to repentance" (2 Pet 3:9). Nevertheless countless people do perish and fail to come to repentance. God's world is an arena in which we have an indispensable role to play. The issue is not simply what God wants but also what we want and will. When we accept whatever comes, we are not receiving guidance. The fact that something happens does not indicate that it is God's will. With respect to many events in our future, God's will is that we should determine what will happen. What a child does when not told what to do is the final indicator of what and who that child is. And so it is for us and our heavenly Father. In opposition to these three mistaken views of discerning God's voice, we have the conversational view, where - in a manner to be explored further - there is an appropriate, clear, specific communication through conscious experience from God to the individual believer within the context of a life immersed in God's kingdom.    Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer;      you shall cry for help, and he will say, Here I am ....    The Lord will guide you continually,      and satisfy your needs in parched places,      and make your bones strong;    and you shall be like a watered garden,      like a spring of water, whose waters never fail (Is 58:9, 11)

This completely jives with what I know to be true in my life and in the lives of those who have most displayed the life of Jesus to me. Lord, stir up our faith and let us walk with your vision for our lives! Bring it in Lord!

A sign on the way to work says, "Prayer doesn't change God, it changes us." Perhaps I'm misunderstanding what the sign is saying. But man, if it means what I think it might mean, that's just wacky. That's faithless Christianity, or humanistic religion. The God of this universe and the God of the Bible hears our prayers and is moved by prayer. From cover to cover in the word of God, the hand of God is moved to action when the people of God pray. Certainly he's in the process of changing each one of his children, but that isn't why we pray. We pray because Jesus says, "ask and you'll receive."

you must get this in your spirit! click, save

OK, so the words "discipline" and "self-discipline" really make me cringe. Especially in the context of God, I think of asceticism, harsh desert living conditions (monks & monasteries), total denying thyself praying & fasting, not enjoying life or God but totally Holy out the wazoo. No indulging in good food, no wine, no sex, no crazy laughter, no smiling. Discipline! Be disciplined! Silly kid, always trying to have fun. No discipline. Do your homework. And when I hear the word "godliness" I think of a very austere man or priest or something. Very moral and straight. Priorities sorted out, no nonsense. So .... as a Christian, it would make me sqeamish to read passages like 1 Tim 4:7-9 - "discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness; for bodily discipline is only of little profit, but godliness is profitable for all things, since it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come. It is a trustworthy statement deserving full acceptance. " While meditating on this scripture, I asked God some simple questions about it. I was pleasantly surprised by his answers. "Lord, how do I discipline myself?" - let my heart enter into intimacy with God frequently - enjoy God - allow myself to be transformed by resting, waiting, trusting, and enjoying God - not allowing myself to be conformed to the world "Lord, what is godliness?" - who have I seen in my life that posesses godliness? - a great love for the Lord - a warm, passionate nearness & love - hearing God, sensitive to his desires - willing to obey him without hesitation Thank you Lord. God is in the process of destroying my "letter killeth" view of his word, and teaching me instead how to walk day by day in a relationship with him. What God wants from us isn't earned righteousness, but simply daily communion and relationship. To keep the channels of communication open, to enjoy him, to rejoice in his presence, to be malleable, to remain available & willing, to fulfill his purposes for our lives, which is always really really exciting. Our obedience to him is made possible & given strength thru our intimacy with him. - "I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing." "Love the Lord your God with all of your heart, all of your soul, all of your mind, and all of your strength." - this is indeed the greatest commandment.

Ooops, I should say something about Contact since I said I would ... Let's see ... real quick, as a scientist, and talented astronomer, Jodie Foster is a very "must see to believe, empirical evidence doesn't lie, prove it buster" kind of person. Yet, since her youth she always just knew there were other life forms out there. When she'd look at the sky and the stars, it would fuel her dream and vision to one day find a sign of other life. A part of the plot is that a man of God falls in love with her; they're opposites in the sense that he believes in God and she doesn't. Yet, for some reason, he continues to pursue her and their paths very remarkably cross many times. (SPOILER - don't read this if you still haven't seen the movie and want to watch it) At the end, she ends up makin a trip to the star Vega, where she sees the wonders of the universe - wormholes, distant civilizations, and finally ... she meets the other life forms. The encounter is an interesting one. Upon her return to earth, many onlookers had no idea what she went thru and considered the entire project an utter failure. To them, less than a second had passed; for her, she was gone for over 18 hours. She was left with no proof of her encounters. The final scene has her in front of an inquiry panel, questioning her about her experiences. This is the most telling scene - she can provide no very solid in your face evidence or explanation from a earth perspective, and totally understood the skepticism she was met with. Yet, with every fiber in her body, she knew her encounter was real - and it is her wish that everyone else could know the truth she had found. All the time, she could never understand how a person could believe in God when there seems to be no solid proofs (from her perspective) of his being. Suddenly, she was thrust into the other end of the spectrum, having the eyes of her heart opened. There's really a lot of spiritual themes in this movie. Anyway, it ends at that ... and I enjoyed the movie, quite interesting. It spoke to me somewhat about how I relate to others. That's all.

Just watched the movie Contact, with Jodie Foster. Good movie. Not so much about aliens, much more about God & faith I think. Write more later.

I'm beginning to learn that silence is okay. Sometimes, when praying over the phone with a dear brother, there'd be an extended period of silence. In these moments, I'd find my spirit welling up with joy and peace, yet my mind would say, "self, why is it so quiet. i mean, it's sort of weird, being on the phone and not saying anything .. maybe you should just do something ..." In retrospect, I'm now understanding that those moments of silence are more than just acceptable, they're often the better thing - just as Mary sat at her precious Lord's feet doing nothing but listening, loving, and being loved. "A time honored practice for entering the Prayer of Rest is silence, or the stilling within ourselves of what others have called 'creaturely activity.' ... this means not so much a silence of words as a silence of our grasping, manipulative control of people and situations. It means standing firm against our codependency drives to control everyone and fix everything. This agitated creaturely activity hinders the work of God in us. In silencio, therefore, we still every motion that is not rooted in God. We become quiet, hushed, motionless, until we are finally centered ... We let go of all distractions until we are driven into the Core. We allow God to reshuffle our priorities and eliminate unnecessary froth." - Richard Foster

there are so many books in the world.

U2 is a pretty cool band.

I haven't written anything in a long time, well, because life has gotten busy. But ... GO TEXANS!!!! KICK DALLAS BUTT!!!! Right now its the 4th quarter, the Texans are up 17-10 and the Cowboys just fumbled on a kickoff return. Oh yeah.

To be close to the Lord: nothing in life compares to sitting at his feet. A weary heart finds itself bursting with life.

Last night, a pastor said "God has a certain way of reminding us of how weak we really are." Today, I get to ponder firsthand the reality of that statement. Amazing grace, how sweet the sound ... that saves a wretch like me. Lord, let me not run away from you, but straight into your arms. I went to a black (african american) church last night, and it was awesome. I didn't expect it; heck I had no idea what I was walkin into. But God is cool and he authors the paths of his children. There's a powerful grabbing-on-to-God faith, a Lord-I-need-you-so-badly intensity that black churches tend to have. The service was overall going pretty nicely, all were having a good time, worshiping God, doing what we do in church. About halfway thru, things got a bit ... different. One organ, one drum set, and a hundred hungry souls = wow. The choir wound up a beautiful beautiful recklessly powerfully raw (thanks Grace) song of praise, and afterward, everyone just kept clapping and dancing with the organ and drums. Man, talk about a Holy Ghost party. The Holy Spirit was really moving in us and among us. "Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom," and God was moment by moment freeing and unrestraining our souls to cry out to him and get with him. Things get serious when people are unashamed to get undignified before God. I love praising God with song and dance and lifted hands, but last night really brought something fresh and new into my life that I'll not soon forget. Sometimes in church, its easy to be self-conscious, as a result, I try not to worry about the people around me and tune out to focus on and engage with God. Last night's experience was more about noticing the people around you actually brings you into focus with God ... joining into the stream of rejoicing - all pointed heavenward. There's something so beautiful - such an overwhelming awareness of a greater Glory. Instead of becoming small in order that God will be big - anxious of drawing attention to ourselves, instead, God is so real and so big, so awesome and so glorious, that we can freely praise God however the Holy Ghost is moving on us, and none of our individuality is stripped away, instead is magnified to the glory of God. And none of the glory is taken from the Lord, and how could it be, when the Lord is so glorious? Yeah. Awesome. Of course, needless to say, there's different strengths and revelations within different streams of the Body of Christ. I'm so glad and blessed to have participated in last night's service. Jesus says, blessed are the poor in spirit, blessed are those who mourn ... because to those who are most broken with sin and pain will receive the grace of God to a greater degree. As a subculture in America, black people have had to deal with a lot of hardship. The quality of faith that has risen from the testing in the furnace of affliction - the quality of faith that has risen out of necessity, is apparent. Awesome. Thank you Lord for what you're doing. By your grace, Lord, pour out that intensity - the mighty power of rejoicing and thanksgiving in the face of trials, pour it onto your entire body. So intense ...

I'm thinkin about trying out Maxim's new hair color for men. You know, I'll feel a bit more secure about coloring my hair if I use a manly product. None of that foo-foo L'oreal Frosty Tips for Her kinda stuff. ^_^ 3 ... 2 ... 1 ... let's jam .... AND ... this might be old news to some, but I've just discovered that Cowboy Bebop is THE frickin - COOLEST - cartoon ever. Tonite on Cartoon Network, they've showed like 6 episodes in a row, and man its so entertaining. Even the intro sequence is tres-cool. It has a sort of Snatch (the movie)-ish feel, and I so dig that. If I can find some images, I'll definitely put them in the wallpaper rotation, and post a few here. Seriously, just the intro is the bomb. I love it. Wanna find it in MPEG format or something. The characters are so entertaining and ... you just sorta wanna see what happens to them. The soundtrack is just totally awesome, so catchy. With overall jazz/blues influences, it inspires you to put on the fedora and tap the feet. And the Japanese out-tro is teh winner! At the end of each episode, they show a phrase that sort of sums up the story in a dry humor way, and its pretty well written. Here's a quote from CmdrTaco (of /. fame?) about Cowboy Bebop:

Perhaps the most acclaimed anime series in recent years... but why? Is it the entertaining charachters? The wonderful designs? The fluid animation? The jaw dropping music? The compelling story? I couldn't begin to tell you all the reasons that this series is so amazing. But watching Faye, Spike, Jet, Ed, and Ein all meet up, wander about in their world, and interact is just a joy. If you haven't seen this series, then you're missing something truly special. Start at the beginning: there are 26 diamonds contained here. Enjoy. --CmdrTaco

After I got home this evening, I watched the very end of John Q with my dad. He's a man who gets to a make-or-break point in his life, and he chooses to be dangerous for his family. He sets his face with steely resolve, hardens himself despite fear and doubt, and totally goes for it, simply because, there is no alternative. It's live or die time. He's a father who, when it comes down to the wire, is willing to take it on the chin for his son. There was something really inspiring about the movie, something that felt very familiar to me, the whisper about the character of God. Afterward, I sat down and wrote this: "Lord, you validate me, and make me into that man [of courage]. Because that's your character [willing to be dangerous]. Because you're my hero and I want to be like you. You are unafraid to take it on the chin, to risk humiliation and disgrace for the ones you love. And so I will walk in your footsteps, because you're my hero."

The other night, I saw a guy named Mark Chironna on TV. He's a mail reader. I mentioned what I saw to a fellow co-worker, Bob, over lunch, and boy, was I surprised by his response. I guess I just assumed that Bob probably wouldn't be familiar with what I described. He told me that at his church, West Oaks Fellowship, there is a man who has what they sometimes jokingly refer to as a "parking lot ministry." Apparently this man is quite different from your run of the mill everyday joe. He has inside of him large chunks of scripture. Most Christians memorize a verse or two here and there, this guy has somehow gotten large chunks of the bible inside himself. Memorized entire chapters and books. All living inside of him now. Eaten. This guy seemingly spends more time in the parking lot of the church than inside the walls. He'll randomly strike up conversations with people who are headed inside, "Hi there, how are you today?" Whenever Bob talks to him, he gets the very vulnerable and naked feeling that this man is able to his see insides, and all of Bob's thoughts and the secrets of his heart are laid bare. And apparently he's gifted at not only bringing these issues to the surface, but also lovingly helping people work thru these issues. What an awesome and powerful gift to the body of Christ. I think of what happens when people give themselves to a lifestyle of surrender and worship to God, and day by day, step by step, they grow into intimacy with the Father. And the Father doesn't withhold his secrets, but he allows his children to lean against his chest and listen to his heartbeat, just as John the disciple did, "the one whom Jesus loved." He whispers intimate secrets to those he trusts. According to Bob, this man is sometimes invited to minister to the youth at church. His teaching style is best described as unique. Anyway, its just so cool and weird how these things come together. Bob is an older guy at my workplace, who loves God a lot, but I'd have never expected to hear a story like this from him. Thanks.

The woman said to Him, "Sir, give me this water, that I may not thirst, nor come here to draw." Jesus said to her, "Go, call your husband, and come here." The woman answered and said, "I have no husband." Jesus said to her, "You have well said, "I have no husband,' for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband; in that you spoke truly." The woman said to Him, "Sir, I perceive that You are a prophet. Our fathers worshiped on this mountain, and you Jews say that in Jerusalem is the place where one ought to worship." Jesus said to her, "Woman, believe Me, the hour is coming when you will neither on this mountain, nor in Jerusalem, worship the Father. You worship what you do not know; we know what we worship, for salvation is of the Jews. But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for the Father is seeking such to worship Him. God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth." The woman said to Him, "I know that Messiah is coming" (who is called Christ). "When He comes, He will tell us all things." Jesus said to her, "I who speak to you am He."

Sometimes, when I'm just hangin' out, thinkin about life and chillin with God, I'll feel the eyes of the prophet upon my own soul. I see the steady gaze of Jesus into my own eyes and I feel weak in the knees because I know that he KNOWS. In that steady gaze, all my folly and weakness is laid out. In the very moment when I realize I could so easily be crushed, I instead find healing for all my wounds, and forgiveness for my sin - like cool water to a parched and beaten man. The gaze isn't one of condemnation but of righteousness and tender love. And he always says to me, time and time again in that moment of nakedness and vulnerability, "Take courage, my son."

One of the greatest mysteries of life is that life is a mystery. The human mind, particularly the western mind, has an insatiable desire to explain everything. All things must be explained, all things must be understood, broken down to their bare essentials, and then broken down even further. The questions are always there, Why? and How? What I find very scary and very liberating is to relinquish control. To let go of the need to know why. To trust. And not just in a general, "ok, I'll never know so instead I'll guess I'll just trust," but to really really let it go. Completely just not know, but trust anyway. It doesn't make sense, it might seem foolish, it might cost, but heck, what do I really have to lose anyway? Heh. Its funny, this experience of living in a world and knowing God, and living with people who don't know God, and trying to reconcile the differences and the similarities. The thing about a heart that is in pursuit of God is that the path that God takes us on is completely insensitive to the demands of the world. So, the people around us tend to scratch their heads, huh? what in the world is this guy thinking? But the frickin amazing thing of it all is this: two things that don't belong together end up together- mystery and peace. The mystery of not knowing what the future holds. The mystery of not knowing why things have progressed the way they have, why my circumstances are the way they are, and why I am the way I am. The mystery of not even knowing what today holds. And in the midst of all these unknowns - surprisingly is PEACE. When the whole world is fighting for control of their lives, endlessly attempting to manipulate the circumstances around them. Striving for a sense of security, to be masters of our own destiny. Hungry for love, looking for someone to satisfy the longing for intimacy, or perhaps, disappointed by people, then seeking something that satisfies. Or, eager for success, because money does bring the power to control our future outcome, and it gives security and happiness, and well ... you know, everyone else is doin' it, so why shan't I? Yet the soul who has tasted and met the true and living God - the storms might swirl around, the proverbial poo may be hitting the fan, even when the tragedy of tragedy strikes ... the soul who knows God begins to understand every day that there is no such thing as control. And in that is an unquenchable peace. The peace of knowing a love that is unchanging. A love that is constant, not changing and shifting like people who are imperfect, and relationships that disappoint, but is constant - the only true foundation that can be stood upon and the only thing that never changes. Not with circumstances, not with our behavior, not with anything. A compelling love that exchanges God's abundant life for my life of sorrow and frustration. A love that continually and overwhelmingly pours out itself to cover over and flow into the objects of his affections. Not a one time deal, in a distant past story of someone else's life, but a here and now and forever abiding love. This awesome love that begins to paint a different picture, that wooes us and summons us and beckons us away from the temporal, from what will inevitably disintegrate and *poof*, and instead, beckons us and calls us toward something unseen, yet so unbelievably real, so pure, so relieving to the thirstiest of souls. And so the God of the universe invites each of us, personally, to give up the things that we can't keep, in order to find the things that we can never lose, can never be taken away, that reside in the very depths of our being. Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship and said: "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised." What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

"God never ceases to speak to us, but the noise of the world without and the tumult of our passions within bewilder us and prevent us from listening to him." - Fenelon

A eugoogley: Just because male models are God's most perfect creations, with chiseled abs and stunning features, doesn't mean that we too can't not die in a freak gasoline fight accident. And about the Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can't Read Good and Want To Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too architectural model: WHAT IS THIS?! A CENTER FOR ANTS?! How can you expect kids to learn to read if they can't even fit in the building!

Two Sundays ago, on the way into the church service, I stop by the young adult ministry table and see a flyer, Sky Diving. Yeah, I think to myself, that definently sounds like my kind of thing. With that, I filed it into the back of the mental filing cabinet. Come the following Thursday, at the young adult meeting, The Portico, I find that the deposit for the jump is $50, and that that very Thursday was the last day to pay the deposit. Thinking, thinking, pondering, should I go, should I not go? ... mmmm, nah. By now, I was feeling slightly indulgent for having too much fun in life (it can't possibly be this good! this much enjoyment is illegal, isn't it?), having just gotten back a week before from a wonderful Alaskan cruise. On a whim, I checked my wallet, and found I had 3 bills, two 20s and a 10. Hrm, that equals ... umm ... $50 on the spot. Dang, this is awfully compelling now, what are the chances I have that exact amount on my person? I think, could God be opening the door for more cool stuff in my life??? Eh, or maybe this is just my flesh seeking more thrills? I know that God is for me, and not against me, but I'm so used to beating myself up over these years (self-critical personality), that I still often find it difficult to simply believe and trust in the kindness and goodness of God, and in particular, toward someone like me. Even in expressions such as this. In the meantime, I meet a new friend at the Portico named Willy. We brought up the upcoming sky diving event, and Willy mentions to me that he really wanted to go sky diving this time, but unfortunately he came into some unexpected financial troubles. The service starts, and on and off during this time, I try to pray and discern what God wants me to do in this situation. Finally, I come to the point where I'm like, OK, I've really been having a boatload of fun recently, I think I can pass up this opportunity (even though I'd really really kinda like to go do something crazy). God, if I see Willy again tonite, I'll pay his deposit for him and he can go have a good time. I believe I have exactly $50 for your reasons, so may you fill and bless his time there. After the service, I look to and fro for brother Willy, but he's nowhere to be found. Hmm, so now what? God, thank you, if you want me to go! But, umm, can you give me some sort of confirmation or something? I decide to pull aside an awesome young lady named Theresa, who was my prayer partner during prayer time and ask her, "Can I ask for your discernment on a matter?" and proceeded to explain my desire to go. She gets an OK signal. I find amazing the very simple truth that God knows us intimately, the desires of our hearts, and the way we've been created - he knows me! And he authored a path for me to go jump out of a plane, because he made me just a little crazy like that. Anyway, that's the short long version of how this happened, and so today, waking up at 4:30 in the a.m., I head out for my date with gravity. ... and so ... I just jumped out of an airplane from 14,000 ft. today. What a rush! Also bought a video tape of my jump and met a lot of very wonderful people.

E-mail wars! Back to back in my yahoo mailbox: From Amazon.com: Important test at Amazon.com

Starting today, as a long-term test, you can get Free Super Saver Shipping on orders over $49. Previously, only orders over $99 qualified. Reducing the ordering hurdle to $49 makes it much easier for customers to get free shipping--more people will qualify and qualify more often ...

the very next e-mail, from Buy.com: HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT!!

Dear Eric, Amazon claims they 'lowered the hurdle' with their free shipping offer….at buy.com we just ran that hurdle over with our free-shipping truck: Free Shipping with NO MINIMUM PURCHASE.

That ... is funny! One-ups-manship at its finest. On the e-mail note, I've been getting the klez virus in my inbox pretty frequently, all from mail.utexas.edu. Wonder if anyone else is seeing a lot of that?

Work is really really boring today. I'm not sure why this happens - the ups and downs. I have a few issues to work, but they seem so terribly inconsequential (He who is faithful with little is also faithful with much). I guess the better thing would be for me to learn to appreciate even these too. Anyway, out of my boredom, and the recent stink some of my female friends have made over certain teenybopper heroes and their oh-so-interesting dating lives, I took an AIM poll, asking the question, "britney spears, hot or not?" (shows you how pathetically poor work is today) Now, I personally find her quite unattractive. I thought my tastes were more or less mainstream, but let's see what the polls have to say ... check it out:

THE MEN: frenchiesmustard: britney spears, hot or not? DuaneKnesek: y DuaneKnesek: talented? N frenchiesmustard: britney spears, hot or not? alveysinger: very hot. i own the las vegas show dvd. it's a permanent fixture in the dvd rotation. frenchiesmustard: HAHAHA frenchiesmustard: britney spears, hot or not? ja5on y3h: hot, in a not kind of way ja5on y3h: but over all hot frenchiesmustard: wait, what? ja5on y3h: hot! frenchiesmustard: ok frenchiesmustard: britney spears, hot or not? chinawildman: hhhhot frenchiesmustard: britney spears, hot or not? DjDruhill: afraid not frenchiesmustard: britney spears, hot or not? dgoh78: hot dgoh78: sex appeala frenchiesmustard: britney spears, hot or not? icuclessi: HOT! icuclessi: haha frenchiesmustard: britney spears, hot or not? ll vls ll: typical blonde girl frenchiesmustard: so, hot or not? ll vls ll: not I guess frenchiesmustard: britney spears, hot or not? momoboyy: HELLA HOT momoboyy: GO KOREA!! momoboyy: WOO HOO!! frenchiesmustard: HAHA! frenchiesmustard: britney spears, hot or not? AND9876: i went to see her in concert AND9876: she's pretty hot NOT MEN: frenchiesmustard: britney spears, hot or not? waysquared: hot! frenchiesmustard: britney spears, hot or not? ppt1020: hot as in her body? frenchiesmustard: *shrug* frenchiesmustard: in whatever sense you'd like ppt1020: well i think she's got a good body but she doesn't fit my definition of hot frenchiesmustard: britney spears, hot or not? almond milk tea: hahaha almond milk tea: uhm almond milk tea: in the middle almond milk tea: not as hot

Final count of today's informal poll: (male count)      HOT = 8      NOT HOT = 2 Ladies and gentlemen, the polls are closed, the count is in. Apparently I was very wrong. According to the registered voting block of My Buddy List (remember My Buddy? That freaky chucky-lookin doll with the catchy theme song that used to come on TV all the time? My buddy .... my buddy ... Wherever I go, he goes ... my buddy ... my buddy ... I’ll teach him everything I know…) Britney Spears is officially hot, by a landslide. *sobbing & weeping for humanity* By the way, I only counted the male votes because this entire poll stemmed from a discussion with Claire about the receptiveness of britney amongst men. The few female comments were thrown in for good measure, but not counted against the final total. I think my gripe with her alleged hotness is not so specific with britney, rather its the same gripe that some people have with much of top 40 music in general. It's way too manufactured (barf), way too packaged, and very unreal. Similiarly, britney has been handed an image to convey, and she's gone out and done a mediocre job of it. Nothing extraordinarily hot about that. On that note, thanks everyone for participating in the poll. May you guys have an awesome awesome day, and take everything here with a fat grain of salt. k thx bye.

It's good to be alive. Grace sends her shoutout to everybody from Dallas (yesterday) and Hong Kong today! She's very excited and having a good time so far. I really like writing, its such a wonderful thing, to express, to create ideas and pictures. I like haiku too, its fun to do, you should try it too, if your favorite color is blue, or you lost your left shoe. I'm gonna go eat and then write stuff on here later tonite. P34CE 0UT.

Musical Progression (or, Make Up Your Frickin Mind Buddy) (or, An Ongoing Nightmare in a CSS2 World)

legend: red genres have stayed in strong favor black genres are still nostalgic and acceptable blue genres have lost favor dates & eras may not be entirely even be remotely accurate

elementary school 1) the first song Wham - Wake me up before you go go; in Los Angeles,CA, watched with cousin wei-wei on MTV 2) 80s pop Michael Jackson, Def Leppard, Weird Al, Kokomo, Bobby Brown,etc; with cousin Andy 3) new wave Erasure, Pet Shop Boys, Anything Box, the Cure, Depeche Mode, Tears for Fears, etc middle school 4) 90s pop Martika, Vanilla Ice, MC Hammer, Milli Vanilli, etc 5) heavy metal Anthrax, Metallica, Megadeath, Judas Priest, Ozzy Ozbourne, etc (the skater days) high school 6) classic rock/hard rock Rush, the Doors, Led Zepplin, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, Nirvana, Faith No More, etc 7) rap Cypress Hill (puff puff), Snoop, Dr. Dre, Ahmad, Ice Cube, Bone Thugs & Harmony, etc 8) mainstream (i.e. radio) house music "Sweet Dreams remix", Nightcrawlers, Artie the 1 Man Party, etc college 9) a bit less mainstream (i.e. non-radio) house music Sasha, Armand Van Helden, etc. 10) chinese music Faye Wong, Jackie Cheung, Alex To, etc. 11) trance Kay Cee, Paul Van Dyk, Chicane, BT, etc. 12) r&b and slow jams Peter Cetera, Babyface, Jon B, Luther Vandross, Maxwell, Jagged Edge, Art of Noise, etc. after college 13) nujazz acid jazz stuff (no idea who the artists are)

Daniel's at work with me today, and for lunch we went to the KSBJ brown-bag lunch at Chick-Fil-A on 1960. Watermark ...

Work is slow today, so I'll just jot a few thoughts before I head home. Had a wonderful time at church (yesterday) in the morning. Went to indoor rock climbing gym for the first time yesterday. It was pretty challenging- requires a lot of forearm and finger strength and endurance. I'm lookin forward to going back, and hopefully, to one day climb a real cliff. Just looking at the pictures at rockclimbing.com makes my heart beat fast and my hands sweat. Also tried my hand at mah-jong last night with some friends. Not for money or anything, just to learn it. Fun game. Got a lot of (big?) decisions to ponder and pray thru for the perhaps-near future. I'm reminded of that snippet I posted on my blog a few months ago by Hannah Whitall Smith, about being afraid of being in God's will. Of course it seems ridiculous when rationally thought thru, but I find myself drifting there lately regardless. Despite that, each day has been a great and wonderful experience of life. It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.

I wanna go skiing!!! Ready for the weekend ... Seattle and Vancouver are beautiful places. I really like the Pacific Northwest. The rain is kinda crazy though. Another pic of our Yosemite trip ... the campground, day 1: (click to grow big!) And this is a neat picture ... (click to grow big!)

In Vancouver last week, I passed by the Kabalarian Philosophy building several times, on Oak St. I just thought that was pretty interesting. Wanted to take a picture of it, but didn't. Maybe next time.

A letter I recieved whilst on vacation ... May 24, 2002 Dear Mr. Chu: Thank you for contacting me about efforts to apply copyright royalties to music streamed over the Internet. I appreciate having the benefit of your views on this matter. Under the terms of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act of 1998, radio stations were granted the right to broadcast music over the Internet without having to compensate artists or music publishers until payment conditions could be determined by the U.S. Copyright Office. On December 11, 2000, the Copyright Office issued a final rule holding that broadcasts of this nature are subject to statutory licensing and are responsible for royalty payments to copyright owners. This decision was upheld in a U.S. District Court, and on February 20 of this year, the Copyright Office's Copyright Arbitration Royalty Panel (CARP) proposed that broadcasters pay a royalty rate of 0.14 cents per composition that is streamed over the Internet. While I am not a member of the Senate Commerce Committee, which has primary jurisdiction over this issue, you may be sure that I will keep your comments in mind should relevant legislation be considered by the full Senate. I appreciate having the opportunity to represent you in the United States Senate. Thank you for taking the time to contact me. Yours respectfully, PHIL GRAMM United States Senator me: Apparently, the initial CARP proposal was rejected as of May 21, 2002. For more info, of course, one can go here: www.saveinternetradio.org.

OK, time to hit the northern most state. Hopefully there'll be some halibut fishing or somethin' serious goin on. I'll see/talk to you guys in a few days! Enjoy life ...

blogspot dot com said page not found and that was all what? no! come back here!

uno dos tres

This morning, my father was on a mission. Destiny awaited him, and he was ready for it. His family couldn't do it, we'd already tried and failed. My brother earned a PlayStation 2 with his excellent academic track record, and finally cashed in on his hard work a few weeks ago. He'd been so looking forward to the game/epic saga Final Fantasy X. After a long ordeal with a memory card shortage, finally it seemed all was well. Parents were satisfied with great academic fortitude, son was happy with epic saga video game. We paid $299 for the PS2 system. Then, Micro$oft announced a $100 price maulslash on the X-Box. Unrest was felt in the gaming community. The force was now unbalanced, and something had to give. Change was impending, inevitable. Rumors and wild speculation flung about like dough in a pizza parlor. Then it happened, then the fateful day arrived ... May 14, 2002 - The price cut was announced. The PS2 is now $199. I still remember so clearly the moment I first heard the news. Sitting at my desk, getting ready for work - checking the gaming forums for the latest - expecting the typical humdrum daily announcements. And then I saw it - it hit me with the force of a stunning redhead in a black & white construct. Joy, fear, and uncertainty immediately flooded by body, and I grew dizzy with excitement. Joy at the prospect of being elligible for a 30-day price guarantee. FEAR at the chance of not receiving a tidy refund. Uncertainty as in, "oh gosh, where the waldo is the receipt??" In the twisted irony of fate - the receipt was missing. Thrown out by a careless mother, perhaps an ignorant son, only God knows ... Thus, the duty now rested upon the brave father. Armed with courage, faith, and social engineering skills - daddy headed out bright and early, 9:00 a.m., ready for an encounter with the mindless dronesemployees at Fry's Electronics. The family awaited in the following hours in what seemed like eternity ... no news is almost worse than bad news, but at least with no news there's still hope and sometimes, when hope is all you have left, its more valuable than gold - it can sustain a man and his will to live. Then - the return. The sound of the garage opening, the car's engine extinguishing with a putter, the cracking open of the door. The brave warrior takes a step into his abode. With the unique excitement that only comes in that fleeting moment prior to revelation, where the unknown comes into light, the family gathers around their leader. Quietly and gently he recounts the tale of How My Father Got Our One Hundred Bucks Back Despite Us Losing the Receipt. And we rejoiced! The enemy had been conquered, vanquished, driven back! And our daddy had come through when none of us could. Armed with a credit card receipt and the sales database at Fry's (thank the Lord for technology), my father came, saw, and conquered. And thus ... we live to see another day. Happily ever after, yada yada ...

I came upon this in a pretty roundabout way, but I think its most definently worth sharing. The following link is a list of all the last statements of Texas death row inmates who have been capitally punished. Some sober reading. Not sure how genuine some of these statements are, but I suppose when the end-of-life-as-you-know-it is minutes away, there's probably not much sense in maintaining any masks. Jason Massey

I watched Spy Game this evening, for the third time, and I gotta say, this movie rocks. Along with about 50% of the population (the ones with Y chromosomes), I used to think Brad Pitt was such a pretty boy weaknut. Then, after awesome showings in Snatch, Fight Club, and Spy Game, I completely retract my previous opinion of the man. In fact, he's since become one of my favorite actors, if not my favorite. Here's why: in these movies, he's consistently rugged, not muscle bound, but skinny, sinewy, seriously tough, and completely unaware of pain. Not a mashochist, just ... unphazed. I love the scene when Robert Redford first meets Brad Pitt in Spy Game, in Vietnam. Pitt is a boy scout turned military sniper - totally unapologetic, not in the least bit out to please, unashamed of his background and who he is, all summed up in an undeliberate and steadily intense gaze. Redford, too, is a man's man in his own way - wiley and weasily veteran, intensely sneaky and intuitive, cold blooded in his manipulation of situations and people, smart, creative, charming. Again, completely unapologetic. Unconcerned with formal protocol and rules of engagement. Unafraid to be dangerous. Perhaps the ladies who were turned on to Brad from the beginning saw something that us guys overlooked about being a hero? Hehe, or maybe they just thought he was a really good lookin chap. That always seems to help. One thing in particular that I really really appreciate about my time in college around the fellas was this - the tremendous appetite for life, laughter, and adventure I find in my friends. They pursue excitement in this lifetime to the fullest of their energies - as said - "All men die, few men ever really live." In my college friends I find a group of people who are unafraid of risk, unafraid to take a loss to push the envelope of excitement for the now - gamblers at heart indeed. The implementation of which I believe is ultimately flawed, but the heart behind which I truly appreciate and learn from, and I think, for better or for worse, has become a part of me. Allow me to quote a line or two from the Dirty Ratz webpage - pardon the french, but I think this pretty much sums it up: Question 1:The name suggests that all of you guys are DIRTY. Is that true?? Yes, by heart, we are all dirty. We embrace our dirtiness and use it for good rather than evil. Of course, some men are Dirtier than others. Question 2: How do I get to be a DirtyRat?? There are no membership dues or physical requirements that might suggest that you are a DirtyRat (maybe a T-shirt coming soon). You just have to have a Dirty aura about you. Our Dirty trips are great initiation tools for the beginners and are one of the requirements to be a Dirty Ratz. Follow some experienced DirtyRatz around and observe their movements, gestures and actions. Learn and marvel at the Level of Dirty they've mastered. Remember, being a DirtyRat is a 24/7 occupation. It is not for the faint of heart!! Consider carefully before take your next step to Dirtiness. Question 3: What are the requirements for a DirtyRat? One of the most important requirements is the ability to say "fuck it, let's do it". Allow me to demonstrate. A fellow Dirty Rat comes up to you and says, "Our next Dirty mission is to go sky diving. You down?" You are thinking to yourself, "i'm afraid of heights, i'm broke as a joke, and I want to live ....blah...blah...blah...." Whatever weaknut. This is very critical. If you can say "fuck it, let's do it" without hesitation then you're are a true Dirty Rat at heart. Remember, all men are not created equal, some men are Dirtier than others. It's OK to back down. With that, I leave you with some images of God's own creation, and our appreciation of it: Beautiful waterfall at yosemite. One of my favorite pics. Cong & I. More to come later ...

The weekend is here! Summer is here! This will be an excellent weekend.

At the end of this month, I'm going to Alaska for a week-long vacation. I can't wait ... to see the great open skies. The vastness of the land, the chill in the air that pierces the skin and reminds you that you're still so very much alive. I want to fish. Maybe challenge a sea otter to a one-on-one fight to the death. Who would you put your money on, me or the otter? What's up sea otter? Who's your daddy? Time to meet your maker buddy.  You appoint darkness and it becomes night,  In which all the beasts of the forest prowl about.  The young lions roar after their prey  And seek their food from God.  You turn man back into dust  And say, "Return, O children of men."  For a thousand years in Your sight  Are like yesterday when it passes by,  Or as a watch in the night.  You have swept them away like a flood, they fall asleep;  In the morning they are like grass which sprouts anew.  In the morning it flourishes and sprouts anew;  Toward evening it fades and withers away.  For He Himself knows our frame;  He is mindful that we are but dust.  As for man, his days are like grass;  As a flower of the field, so he flourishes.  When the wind has passed over it, it is no more,  And its place acknowledges it no longer.  But the lovingkindness of the LORD  is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him,  And His righteousness to children's children. Happy birthday to Byung Rhee! He's turning 22 today!

He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end. -Ecclesiastes 3:11

If ANY of you geeklings use or appreciate streaming audio, please click on this link and get involved. Just a minute of your time. The RIAA sucks. Internet radio offers access to many forms of music which aren't mainstream and easily accessible via AM/FM - many forms of jazz, world music, underground, etc. If you're willing, this link is a quick and easy way to contact your House Rep and Senators. Moreover, I believe these things only work en masse, so if you enjoy streaming audio, tell your friends about this, post it in your info, or wherever, and let people know.

Alrighty. Greetings everyone! Today, I had to take in the car for brake service, so I got a Z3 loaner. During lunch. I put the top down and couldn't get it back up. Oh well. Quite fun though! Last night, after the Y, I stopped by First Baptist for a Watermark coffee house. Had a wonderfully awesome time. Here are some things I learned while there: 1) One of the most truly beautiful things in the earth is a glimpse of a soul captured by God. A heart so completely grasped by the Almighty, in such surrender and close communion with God - hardly any form of beauty could rival this. 2) The most meaningful and consequential way to pursue and practice friendships is through the eyes and heart of God. To lift them heavenward, to earnestly and consistently desire the will of God for their lives, to see them through the eyes of eternity, to plead with the Almighty for their souls - this is love. 3) The depth of love of God is deeper than the deepest ocean. The width of the love of God is wider than the widest ocean.

When Debbie and I broke up - she told me to listen to a song by Garth Brooks, called Unanswered Prayers. I revisited those lyrics today and I just wanted to put them up for thought:

Just the other night a hometown football game My wife nd I ran into my old high school flame And as I introduced them the past came back to me And I couldn't help but think of the way things used to be She was the one that I'd wanted for all times And each night I'd spend prayin' that God would make her mine And if he'd only grant me this wish I wished back then I'd never ask for anything again Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers She wasn't quite the angel that I remembered in my dreams And I could tell that time had changed me Inn her eyes too it seemed We tried to talk about the old days There wasn't much we could recall I guess the Lord knows what he's doin' after all And as she walked away and I looked at my wife And then and there I thanked the good Lord For the gifts in my life Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs That just because he may not answer doesn't mean he don't care Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers Some of God's greatest gifts are all too often unanswered... Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

This isn't a deeply expressive song about the way I feel right now, or anything profound like that. Just something interesting. Emotions are squirrelly and psycotic. Lots of people have that thing in their info: "Love like you've never been hurt before." Pshaw. I think hurt can be a necessary part of life - through it, we learn how to not be so reckless and to guard our hearts (when it comes to romantic relationships). Because I believe pursuing a romantic relationship with just anyone can be quite dangerous. Of course, there are the days of old when people got married when they were, what, 13 years old? Perhaps that's the way to go. Get hitched while you're uber-young, then you're in for the long haul. It seems perhaps people didn't do so much "shopping." List of requirements kind of crap. OK, since this is my blogspot, I'll rant if I want to. What makes me ill is people who say, "oh my future husband (or wife) must be funny, successful, nice, rich, etc etc etc." Hello, you're setting yourself up for failure. To pin your hopes on and to place expectations on other people is just ... I dunno. Not cool.

The last two days, I've been getting my feet wet with some JavaScript/DHTML stuff. Wow, the web standards have progressed very far. I'm so impressed with the amount of things that can be done with JS, CSS, DHTML, etc. Lots of acronyms. Really amazing, almost anything is possible now, as far as a UI standpoint.

Observation: Quite often, on a three lane freeway, the slowest people are also in the middle lane. Why? I'm not trying to play psychologist here or anything (well actually I am) and perhaps there's some very simple traffic related explanation for this behavior, but this is what occured to me when I noticed this phenomenon. The middle lane represents a source of comfort. Although there's cars all around - to the left - to the right - still, the middle lane has the least risk of falling off course. The opposite phenomenon is driving on a freeway in which there is no shoulder in the left lane - only a concrete barrier (a la I-10 in the past). That is really unnerving, one wrong move and its smash city. Consistent with the security and comfort of the middle lane is the speed by which the drivers drive - a cautious safe speed. On the other hand, the left lane is for bookin it, and the rightmost lane is for those people who think the left lane is moving too slow. That's all I have to say about this. Bye.