The sky looks so gray. And its cold outside. Not blatantly cold, but a real tangible cold, the kind that silently numbs your digits and penetrates into your bones. And its raining. Not a huge downpour, but just a sort of depressing drizzle. I sat in my car, waiting for the light to turn green, drifting away in random thoughts. Down the driver's side window, a solitary drop of water rolls halfway down ..... pauses for an eternity .... then continues onward to the bottom. Of all the rain and raindrops and water, this solitary drop forgot about everything else, held the entire universe captive ... .. wow, that looked like so much like a teardrop - a tear walking down the face of a person, shifting left, then right, then further down, with each contour, each delicate detail of a person's face. And then I notice the sadness in the person's eyes. And I taste the saltiness and bitterness of the tear on the corner of my mouth ... and its so weird, how intensely human sadness and tears are. some people think its a bad thing to cry, but maybe its a worse thing to not be able to cry. because among the things that separate and divide people, there are also those things that belong to every member of the human race; that are undeniable evidence that we're all the same inside, that no matter what kind of background we hail from, what kind of circumstances we live in, nobody is exempt from sorrow. maybe tears are some sort of validation of our frailty and humanity. they say, "congratulations, you are a bonafide human being." And God ... I think God gives all of us tears as a gift too, and maybe as a reminder of a future glory. I believe he really does see every tear, and even though sometimes we feel so much pain and so much hurt, or so alone, that God knows and he never forgets. Then I looked again at all the acts of oppression which were being done under the sun. And I saw the tears of the oppressed and that they had no one to comfort them; and on the side of their oppressors was power, but they, too, had no one to comfort them. So I congratulated the dead who are already dead more than the living who are still living.

Warning: boring stuff ahead ... My Yahoo fantasy basketball league has been an intense battle thus far this season. It's a rotisserie league with 9 teams, and the categories that are assigned pts are field goal percentage, free throw percentage, 3 pointers, points, rebounds, assists, steals, blocks, and turnovers. In the league, the person with the best rating in a category (i.e. most points, or least turnovers) gets 9 points, and the person with the worst rating in a category gets 1 point. So, the highest possible score would be 9 categories x 9 points = 81 points. presenting league thuglife ...

Standings		Details
Rank Team Pts 1 doveytime 57 2 KobeKiller 53 3 algae eaters 50 4 Yaaaaaaaaoza 44 5 kunalians 42 5 D.R.E.W. 42 5 K.O.B.E 42 8 Goodfellas 41 9 The Rockets 34
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... and here is the breakdown of how we got our points so far:

Overall Points
Rank	Team		FG%	FT%	3PTM	PTS	REB	AST	ST	BLK	TO		TOTAL
1	doveytime		6	8	9	8	3	7	9	2	5		57
2	KobeKiller		8	9	7	3	1	4	5	7	9		53
3	algae eaters		4	2	1.5	7	8.5	8	8	9	2		50
4	Yaaaaaaaaoza		5	7	1.5	2	8.5	2	4	8	6		44
5	kunalians		7	3	4	6	6	5	2	5	4		42
5	D.R.E.W.		1	5	5	9	4	9	7	1	1		42
5	K.O.B.E		3	6	8	5	5	6	3	3	3		42
8	Goodfellas		9	4	6	4	2	1	1	6	8		41
9	The Rockets		2	1	3	1	7	3	6	4	7		34

Overall Statistics
Rank	Team	GP	FG%	FT%	3PTM	PTS	REB	AST	ST	BLK	TO
1	doveytime	144	.444	.784	155	2231	796	505	191	94	314
2	KobeKiller	134	.456	.824	116	1872	756	421	163	117	267
3	algae eaters	138	.436	.738	71	2203	941	538	190	140	356
4	Yaaaaaaaaoza	137	.440	.775	71	1829	941	405	159	135	313
5	kunalians	131	.452	.751	94	2187	844	492	136	110	344
5	D.R.E.W.	139	.410	.770	95	2602	821	600	171	83	398
5	K.O.B.E	139	.433	.773	119	2051	837	500	155	100	353
8	Goodfellas	136	.459	.753	106	1977	782	397	134	112	277
9	The Rockets	134	.426	.734	90	1818	896	420	169	108	281

... and my current team:

Players		Stats: Season
POS	PLAYER	GP	FG%	FT%	3PTM	PTS	REB	AST	ST	BLK	TO
PG	Tinsley, Jamaal (PG-Ind)	11	.386	.600	8	95	31	87	19	2	31
SG	Hamilton, Richard (GF-Det)	14	.462	.844	9	289	47	42	15	5	35
G	Williams, Jay (G-Chi)	14	.373	.564	12	152	59	76	23	2	36
SF	Garnett, Kevin (SF-Min)	15	.433	.768	4	318	203	80	28	25	41
PF	Webber, Chris (PF-Sac)	12	.490	.429	0	260	113	60	28	18	50
F	Abdur-Rahim, Shareef (PF-Atl)	12	.506	.839	7	257	91	39	15	6	30
C	Ilgauskas, Zydrunas (C-Cle)	13	.359	.796	0	238	113	31	7	24	34
C	Brand, Elton (FC-LAC)	14	.494	.706	0	232	170	37	15	44	44
Util	Kukoc, Toni (F-Mil)	12	.417	.649	21	145	50	46	22	5	17
Util	Jordan, Michael (SF-Was)	13	.470	.732	2	204	52	38	20	4	23
Bench	Delk, Tony (PG-Bos)	12	.421	.800	35	153	47	35	19	1	14
Bench	Williams, Jason (PG-Mem)	12	.396	.900	16	131	24	73	15	4	27
Bench	Stoudemire, Amare (FC-Pho)	11	.325	.735	1	78	72	7	7	17	18

Alright, I don't think I've ever written about this openly, but I think perhaps I should. I wrote this in my journal this morning. Why pray in tongues? When I wake up in the morning, often, I'm spiritually confused. I'm not exactly sure why I'm alive, what I have to do with God, or what God is up to. Very quickly, my mind will rush in and frantically fill in the gaps. I'm now operating off of yesterday's manna - going thru the motions because I don't know what else to do. Praying in the Spirit (1 cor 14:15) "edifies yourself" (1 cor 14:4). How?? By strengthening our spirit inside of us, the rest of our faculties (our body, our will, our thought-life), which normally easily overwhelm us, are instead brought under the submission of a strengthened spirit - which is in turn under authority and submitted to the Holy Spirit. Often, when praying in tongues, God will make simple and clear several things he intends for me to do soon. So, without edification, I find the following characteristics to be true - lack of God's vision & plan for my life (and instead I fill the lack with my own plans and do things my own way), lack of God's heart (an apathy and lukewarmness towards God and towards people), a lack of God's warmth and connectedness (instead seeking to fulfill the desire for intimacy from other places). Is praying in tongues the only way to edify ourselves? Certainly not. In my experience though, and also for many people I've met, it has proven to be a very quick and effective way to tune into God's reality, God's agenda - by bypassing our intellect, our will, our fleshly desires - and going straight to the Spirit of God. James tells us that the tongue is like a rudder, which controls a ship. Similarly, when we submit our tongue and offer our speech to God, the Holy Spirit will direct us as a rudder turns a ship, adjusting the things that may be off, and put us more accurately on God's course for our lives. Is praying in tongues for everyone? Anyone who wants a deeper relationship with the Lord, and believes what the bible says about spiritual gifts, it's available to you. Does God wish for this in your life? 1 cor 4:5 tells us, "Now I wish that you all spoke in tongues, but even more that you would prophesy;" Either believe God's word, or don't believe it - it's very clear and simple. Now, if you do desire a deeper relationship with the Lord, and for this tool that can edify your spirit, will then, God give it to you? Jesus tells us (Luke 11:11) "For everyone who asks, receives; and he who seeks, finds; and to him who knocks, it will be opened. Now suppose one of you fathers is asked by his son for a fish; he will not give him a snake instead of a fish, will he? Or if he is asked for an egg, he will not give him a scorpion, will he? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him?" Again, the word of God is simple and clear. It is the heart of God to give good gifts to his children, and if we seek and eagerly desire the different gifts God has to offer us, he will not refuse us, but will pour out generously and continuously in our lives. The basis for receiving these gifts is a simple childlike faith (ask, receive. seek, find.), not by merit or spiritual heritage or maturity. If you have any questions, give me a call or e-mail me. God bless you!

If the son has set you free you are free indeed Sometimes when I wake up, I'll begin to pray and I haven't the faith (shing4 shing1) to know what to pray, or that God is listening, or that today will be a special day. One quick way to tear down this barrier is to do a spirit-check. Check your own spirit for things that seem off. Our spirit isn't some superstitious weirdo 6th sense (although perhaps it can be sometimes), but typically more of the things that are closest to home - the things our heart tells us is going on right now. So, I'll check what's goin on - feeling condemnation? Simply speak out, "There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ." "Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." "if the son has set you free, you are free indeed." (eph 1) - "the kind intention of His will" fear or anxiety? "cast all your anxiety upon him, because he cares for you." "God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of love, power, and self-control." needy, vulnerable? "the Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want." "the Lord is my helper, what can man do to me?" "I will never leave you nor forsake you" etc. ... and on and on, and I find that God raises up the standard of his truth to combat "the accuser of the brethren." THEN, I find much more freedom in prayer. In this way, the word of God becomes living and active, sharper than any double edged sword, able to judge the attitudes of our hearts, and to divide our soul from our spirit. Oh yeah, Eph. 1 has some insanely powerful stuff. Recently, in a weekly prayer meeting, we've been dwelling on maybe 4-5 verses a week, and its so rich! soul foood 'mkay that's all.

it's late in the midnight hour ... and i'm sitting in the darkness where has the day gone? how will i spend my time will i regret what i've done or can it all be redeemed in the blink of an eye i've been given a spirit of self-control so i choose not to compromise i choose not to waste my time because there's a love that's better than life and i wanna live in that love all the days of my life my time - its not my own my every breath - a gift of love my actions - either burned to nothing or solid as gold i'm goin for gold baby