Woke up this morning listening to another great sermon, called Lessons from my grandfather by Charles Stanley. It's really cool to learn stuff from older people, especially those who've been walking steadfastly with Jesus for a long time in their lives. "Trust and obey, there is no other way." Reading Watchman Nee's book "The Spiritual Man," I think the one thing that by far stood out the most is this - the surest route to spiritual maturity is to say yes to God ... forget the excuses, rationalizations, pussyfootin, delayed obedience stuff. Just, "I might not agree or understand, or it really hurts .. but you're God, and you're trustworthy, so YES, I will." God doesn't lose anything from us not responding in obedience. He simply waits until we're ready, and will slowly apply the pressure via circumstances of life until that test is passed. And this has consistently been a principle and attitude that allows people to continue growing closer to God, instead of hitting a roadblock and then going on circles and not progressing. And this is never without benefit -- the blessings of obedience, though seemingly painful at the time, are sweet and pleasant and awesome. Man, what a great, valuable reminder all of this has been for me. "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones."

Tried to catch the Leonid Meteor Shower but didn't see anything. Well I did see things, but no shooting stars. The night was very crisp, cool, and clear. The moon was slung low, quarter crescent, and the stars twinkled and winked smartly thru the night. I hadn't seen that many stars from the city in as long as I can remember. But I didn't catch any shooting stars. Seems like that's it, though, as far as spectacular meteor showers for the next couple of decades ... until maybe 2030? So maybe when I'm an elderly gentleman, if I still dwell on this earth, I can take my kids out and share how the last time I saw shooting stars was waay back in 2001 ... "As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more ..."

Wow. This morning, listened to a sermon by Charles Stanley about God's empowering presence and it gave me such a hunger and longing for intimacy with God. It's so great to be able to simply sit still, and be satisfied with God. I ask, "When was the last time you heard from God?" There's nothing more encouraging.

It's been good to be alive. Along with I think about half the people I know, I'm reading The Purpose Driven Life. It's quite a good book, and takes about 40 days to finish.

servants of Christ, bought by a price a love so sweet, so divine truth that brightens the eyes convicts the heart with a warmth divine and ultimately a freedom ... that is too good for words free from the shackles of death, sin, sickness with hope springing forth, unending, never ending, enduring forever and the struggle between flesh and spirit ends in an easy and restful surrender because the Lord is gentle and humble in spirit he doesn't accuse, but invites and beckons us to die daily a death so sweet to live a life in his abundance if only people knew the depths of Jesus Christ

Dude, some guy just jumped into the Niagra Falls impulsively. That's pretty ... impulsive. Check it out here.

The silver bullet for spam... Bayesian filtering I'm using the Mozilla Thunderbird e-mail client, which supports this filtering. I happen to get a lot of spam in my softhome.net account, so I'll train this filter and see how effective it is in sorting out spam from real mail...

Lord, change our hearts and lives. Heidi Baker speaks again at the Cambridge Vineyard ... Right click and save it to your computer.

*so bored* tears

"What does it mean to 'proclaim the gospel'? How can you do so in a way that both wakes up/converts the religious and yet also engages more secular people? Answer: Christ-centered interpretation and preaching. You must always preach every text in such a way that it reveals Jesus and his saving work. Ed Clowney points out that if we ever tell a particular Bible story without putting it into the overall main Bible story (about Christ), we actually change the meaning of the particular event for us. It becomes a moralistic exhortation to 'try harder' rather than a call to live by faith in the work of Christ. There is, in the end, only two ways to read the Bible: is it basically about me or basically about Jesus? In other words, is it basically about what I must do, or basically about what he has done?"

Nursing a bit of an illness right now, still at work though. Things have been slow around here lately. Arnold Schwarzenegger, governor of California? Incredible. I guess that's just as likely, if not more so than a former wrestling icon becoming a political figure, as an independant, nonetheless.

"You desire truth in the innermost being, And in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom." It's so difficult to be deadly honest with myself. Many times, its easier to just be either in denial with regards to where my heart is, to feel perfectly justified and OK. Either that, or the tendency shifts to the other end of the spectrum, where its easy to become mindlessly self-deprecating, exhibiting before God a false sense of humility. But to just sit in the light, and let God examine the heart is scary. I'm scared to find out who I really am, how there is no possible way for me to measure up to God's standard - and even if I know this in my mind, I deny it in my heart .. but if I listen closely to the Lord and just sit still and stop trying to justify myself all the time, I know it ... I am woefully inadequate in all regards. And even the areas where I think I am strongest, are my "redemptive qualities," are of the most value, are really utterly meaningless. But at that place of helplessness, there are two roads - either a road to despair and self-pity. Or a road that is shining bright with the light of God's love, to say, "I love you and have given myself up for you." I still can hardly grasp the mystery of Jesus' life dwelling inside of me, yet everyday the evidence flows forth in abundance, of the love of God, the hope of God, the kindness of God, the justice of God and what I really need to do is to sit still, stop squirming around, to rest and relax in the love of Christ, to see, and to believe. (ok i'm not even going to bother to be coherent anymore) Anyway, not with the intention to be introspective, but the wrestling has continued and I've not been very submissive to the will of God - rebellion. And even though our culture seems to suggest submission is a bad thing, a sign of weakness or lack of spine. Well maybe, but its a pretty honest posture before the Creator of all things to submit and acknowledge my weakness and his greatness. To try and stand proud before him is some crazy talk and an invitation for an appointment with the humble stick. But yeah, submission to God is not necessarily a painful thing, but the most beautiful and desirable thing, despite what our culture teaches us about the word "submit." The greatest evidence of this truth is to observe the life of someone who is continually submissive to the Lord, and inevitably the fragrance of their lives is so sweet and lovely, and quite different to the other flavors of the world. Of greatest, eternal value, delightful to God and fragrant before man. I'm writing all of this because, noting the lack of entries in the past weeks, I've found it difficult to write about anything in particular, and while I see other journalists (heh heh) deferring writing about themselves to linking to other articles, giving commentary to the world's Goings Ons -- for myself I find that to be a sort of busyness, a distraction, and a simple indulgence that's not really worth the "breath" so to speak. But yeah, I've been unable to update probably because of a resistance to firstly be honest with myself before the Lord, and then secondly to be honest and transparent before whatever you are (internet people). So here's my first foray back into this place ... and oh what a rambling mess ..

Have the song "Drowning in your eyes" by Ephraim Lewis stuck in my head all morning.

Feel the ground it's slipping away Like a sigh that greets the close of day Feel the waters' welcoming arms Embrace me in the quiet calm I can't hear what you say anymore Just the sound of trees on the ocean floor Irresistably drawn from the shore I'm drowning in your eyes I'm floating out to sea Helpless on the restless tide That flows between you and me Moving slowly as if in a dream The colours change from blue to green All around me reflections of you In forests deep I'm passing through In the swell of the storm we're as one We're dancing in the morning sun Could it be that we've only just begun

The weekend is here! Rejoice when you face trials of many kinds! There is a specific purpose behind it all. Run the race with endurance, as so many others are going thru at this very moment.

This morning, taking a shower, I thought about the different attributes of the people of God. Each guy had sort of a different style, or uniqueness about them, in reflecting what being "a man of God" really is. None of these were the "ultimate right answer" but each are dear to the heart of God and served his purposes faithfully. Solomon - asked for and received wisdom David - had a pure heart for God Paul - perservered, unwaveringly Moses - was exceedingly humble Elijah - displayed the power of God Abraham - walked by faith, not by sight Daniel - was intimate with God through prayer Ezekiel - knew the sorrow of God for his people Isaiah - saw the coming salvation Jacob - simply shows God's sovereignty in election Joseph - displayed a life of having favor with God Samuel - listened to God from his youth to his old age John the disciple - was loved by Jesus John the baptist - a fearless speaker of truth